Is True Love Painful? 11 Reasons Why Not

is love painful
Photo by Yoann Boyer

Is true love painful? Many people say that love hurts. That is why some are afraid of committing to a relationship or giving love a chance.

However, what many do not understand is that true love itself does not hurt. The pain that usually comes with love is the result of wounded pride, disappointment, broken trust, sadness, and fear.

Actually, it is love that makes living bearable. It brings joy, security, and purpose to those who have it. To help you understand better why true love is joyful, check out some of the reasons why it should not be painful.


1. True love does not own the person.

People get hurt when they break up with their partners. Is it love that causes their pain? No. It is the fear of losing the person with whom you have used to share life. It is the realization of being left behind and alone.

However, love, in its simplicity, does not regard anyone as a belonging. True love simply cares and gives to someone without expecting anything in return. Therefore, if there is love, it will manifest itself without considering any label or commitment. In short, you can simply love someone without owning that person.

Also read: How to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship: 12 Tips


2. True love is not selfish.

In connection to no. 1, love is not self-centered. It is not after who or what it can get. It gives generously without counting the cost or demanding something back. Of course, without any expectation, there would be no disappointment—thus, no pain.

The reason why being in love hurts is because humans demand to be loved in return. People are more concerned about being loved and cared for. Well, naturally, you have that need to feel secure and valued. That is why you cannot help but seek affection. However, love itself is not self-seeking.


3. True love forgives.

It is normal to feel hurt when someone you love betrays, offends, or takes you for granted. Every human would feel this way. Nevertheless, it is not love that causes the pain. It is your shattered trust and disappointment.

The good thing about true love is that it does not keep records of wrong. It chooses to forgive and treats the other person with grace and understanding. Without pride, but only love itself, it would be easier to heal from a broken heart.

Also read: How to Forgive Each Other in a Relationship: 12 Tips


4. True love does not hate.

The ultimate source of pain is hate. Why? As you continue to dwell in it, bitterness, anger, self-pity, among other destructive emotions, take control of your heart. As a result, you stay miserable.

However, true love and hate cannot co-exist. As mentioned in no. 3, love chooses to forgive, and it also forgets. Not that you should easily trust the person who hurt you again, but at least you should stop meditating and bringing up the past.

Also read: 16 Good Ways to be Kind in a Relationship


5. True love accepts.

The end of a relationship is ordinarily painful, especially if you have truly loved your partner. Nevertheless, do not think that it is love’s fault that you are hurt. Sometimes, it is being in denial that the relationship is over that makes it hard to move on.

Understanding that true love does not own anyone could help you move on faster. It is because love delights in the truth. Accepting that you have to let go of the person will make it easier for you. True love also gives you faith that if the person is meant to come back, s/he will eventually.


6. True love is not demanding.

The higher you demand, the greater risk of disappointment there is. A lot of people get hurt because their demands are not met. Then, they blame love for their distress.

However, these demands are not true love’s requirements at all. Humans only set these for their personal needs and desires. As mentioned above, love does not expect anything in return. On the other hand, demands are expectations that some people set in exchange for their affection.


7. True love is patient.

Nowadays, breakup and divorce are very rampant. With the rise of technology and modernization, people have become used to getting what they want in a snap. Shopping can be done anytime and anywhere. Communication has become faster and easier. Plus, a lot of things, including foods, are now instant. No wonder people want their relationships to be perfect in an instant too.

However, true love is different. It is patient and understanding. It gives more time and many second chances just to try harder in making the relationship work. In short, it does not give up easily.  

Also read: How to be More Patient in a Relationship: 14 Tips


8. True love is not jealous.

Jealousy is one of the top reasons why couples fight. Often, it is the result of self-centeredness. When people are fixated on keeping their partners from cheating on them, they become mistrusting and suspicious. Eventually, jealousy makes the relationship toxic.

On the other hand, true love has no room for jealousy. Remember that it is not self-centered, and it does not own anyone. Not that it does not require commitment, but it just simply focuses on the more important thing—which is selfless giving. True love does not demand faithfulness because it comes with the trust it gives.

Also read: How to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship: 12 Tips


9. True love lets go.

It is usual for a person to fear losing the one s/he loves. However, in this world, no one owns anyone. You cannot stop a loved one from going away when s/he is not happy anymore. The more you resist the change, the more it becomes painful to move on.

Nevertheless, if you genuinely love someone, you would be selfless enough to let go when asked for. What good would it be to hold someone prisoner in a relationship when s/he is not happy anymore? You cannot be happy too. Well, true love prioritizes the happiness of the other person.


10. True love is humble.

Pride is one of the reasons why love crumbles. When your ego, reputation, and self-interest are more important than understanding, grace, and preserving peace in the relationship, the pain lingers long after your partner hurts you. Of course, you would demand an apology before releasing forgiveness, and getting even would seem just right.

However, true love teaches humanity to forgive even before hearing a “sorry”. It also encourages everyone to treat each other with grace by giving them a second chance and not considering revenge.

Also read: How to be Humble in a Relationship: 14 Ways


11. True love heals.

Contrary to the notion that love hurts, it actually heals. True love brings forgiveness, contentment, and selfless happiness, all necessary for a person to live without heartaches. Moreover, it inspires a person to move forward after a painful breakup or loss.

For this reason, you should not blame love for pain. Actually, it is the medicine that one needs to heal a wounded heart. If only pride had no room in the human heart, then it would be easier to forgive, be humble, and give unconditionally.


Let Love Set You Free

If you are suffering from a broken heart now, please know that it is not because of love. Yes, love has made you vulnerable to pain since you opened up yourself to the person special to you. However, please do not blame love for it. Remember the times when it once made you happy and fulfilled.

Now, instead of sulking in a corner, choose to get up and let go of the bitterness, hatred, and disappointment. Choose to forgive the other person and yourself. This time, let self-love set you free.

Also read: Is True Love Worth Waiting For? 9 Reasons to Wait or Not to

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