Rudeness is toxic. And what’s sad is that our partners become our victims when it attacks us. It is even easier to get angry at them than strangers because we trust they will understand us. Although we do not do it by purpose, being rude should not be a habit. We may be forgiven for our actions, but that should not mean we can repeat them over and over. We have to think of its repercussions and long-term effect on the people who endure our treatment.
If you want to stop being rude in a relationship, here are some ways to consider:
1. Admit that you have bad behaviors.
First of all, you cannot improve yourself if you deny that something is wrong with you. You have to stop justifying your actions. Recognize that you have a problem that needs a lot of fixing.
2. Determine the cause of your rudeness.
Once you figure out why you easily get irritated at your partner, you would know how to address the problem. This may be due to stress, pent-up emotions, lack of sleep, hormones, etc. It is important to note, however, that fixing it may take time. So, be patient and take it one step at a time.
3. Get a journal.
It may sound ridiculous or mushy, but journaling is one of the easiest ways to lessen being mean. It trains you to vent your frustrations out on paper so you can avoid doing so on a person you can hurt by your words. This is also a way to organize your thoughts and weigh them out so you could avoid lashing out.
4. Imagine being in the shoes of your partner.
Flip the situation. If you were in the place of your partner, how would you feel if they were mean to you? Whether you shrug it off or confront them, you would surely feel bad about being treated that way. You might even question if the person still cares for you. So, once you start being impatient and disrespectful, remind yourself of its effect.
5. Do not just accept that you are rude.
Some people want to believe that a person who truly loves them should still love them despite their disrespectful and insensitive behaviors. Of course, your partner should love you for who you are, but that does not mean you can just continue being rude. It is nobody’s obligation to put up with your attitude. If you would just accept that you are a rude person and never change, then you should not expect that your partner will always understand and stay with you.
6. Stop manipulating your partner.
Sure, your partner says you should be comfortable around them in showing your natural self. But you should never use that as a defense of your rude attitude. It is pure manipulation, and that makes you undeserving of your partner’s love. Saying that you are just being 100% yourself is only a copout, and it is never a ticket to treat people with disrespect.
7. Stop assuming that love is enough.
A healthy relationship requires many factors to keep it going. Although you are bound by love, it is impossible to continue if you only focus on that. Your tenderness and affections for each other should not make you believe that you will be forgiven for your bad qualities. Your love for the person should inspire you to be a better human being.
8. Be physically active.
Regular exercise is a good habit that does not only improve your body but also how you deal with your emotions. Since it releases happy hormones, you become more positive each day, and you get to slowly lessen your mood swings. It may take some time for you to appreciate it and see its effect, but with determination and willingness to become a better person, you will soon see how much it changes you.
9. Try a therapy technique.
There’s this psychotherapeutic technique called role reversal, where you have to switch roles with your partner. They should talk to you, pretending they are you, and in return, you have to talk to them as if you are them. This is a way to take the situation from their perspective so that you can understand how it is to be on the other side.
10. Allow your partner to call you out.
Sometimes fixing bad behavior requires you to ask for help from other people. Although the willingness should always come from you, you may also need the guidance of your partner. Remember, however, that it is never their responsibility to fix you. You just have to ask them to let you know if you are being rude again or showing behaviors they do not like. That is how you see your mistakes and improve yourself.
11. Talk to a friend you trust.
When some things make you upset about your partner, it is okay to talk to a friend you can be honest with. They should be someone who can listen and understand you and not tolerate your mistakes.
12. Remind yourself that your actions hurt others.
Do not be the reason for your partner’s pain. You may say that you were carried away by your emotions, but that does not offer anything good, both to you and your significant other. It is better to prevent yourself from inflicting pain on the person you love than to regret it in the end.
13. Care for your relationship.
Be mature enough to tend to the relationship you wanted in the first place. Do not let your careless actions and insensitive manners destroy a beautiful commitment. If you want to live with your partner for the rest of your life, then do not abuse the kindness they have been giving you.
Also read: 16 Good Ways to be Kind in a Relationship
14. Think before you act.
Sometimes when you are on the verge of bursting out, there is something in your mind that tells you to behave harshly just to show how pissed you are. Stop doing that. Before you do anything rude, ask yourself if it is worth it. Take a pause. Breathe in, breathe out. Do not let the negative emotions overpower you.
15. Seek professional help.
It is totally okay to see a psychologist. Keep in mind that you are strong, and you become more beautiful when you are willing to become a better human being.
16. Change for yourself.
You might have heard this many times: No one can help you but yourself. And when you do, make sure that you do it for yourself and no one else. If you decide to fix your bad attitude just because you want to keep the relationship, then chances are you would fail many times and still go back to treating your partner with disrespect. The change you want should come from within you so you can maintain it, regardless of circumstances.
Start the process.
It is a long process to undo something you have been doing out of habit. Stopping yourself from being rude needs self-discovery and determination. Sometimes, it also involves some serious healing. The good thing is, you can change. As long as you know where you are going, just take it one step at a time, and you will get there soon. Besides, if you truly love someone, you would not want them to be at the receiving end of rude behaviors.