Have you made a mistake in your relationship that you’re struggling to find forgiveness for? It can be hard for your girlfriend to forgive you if she’s actually in the right. Forgiveness is one of the most gracious acts we can give to the ones we truly love; however, it can be very difficult to ask forgiveness.
Giving a truthful, sincere apology and earning your girlfriend’s trust is an important skill that can save your relationship. This article will discuss 11 sincere ways to make your girlfriend forgive you.
1. Apologize as soon as possible.
After you’ve realized that you’ve made a mistake, you need to immediately reflect on what you’ve done, and begin thinking about how to apologize to your girlfriend. Making your girlfriend wait for your apology for a long time can make it seem like you don’t care much about the issue. Delaying your apology can also cause doubts about your relationship to grow in her mind.
2. Be mindful of your body language.
Knowing that you’ve done something wrong is a terrible feeling. It can make you tense and fearful, and these emotions can show in your body language and facial expression. Strive to maintain eye contact and an open posture. This will contribute to letting your girlfriend know you are focused on her, that this conversation matters to you, and that you are dedicated to rebuilding trust and intimacy between the two of you.
3. Acknowledge what you’ve done.
This may seem obvious, but many people often get their apologies wrong. In making your apology, you should make it clear that you understand what you’ve done wrong, and the ways in which your mistake hurt your girlfriend. You need to be specific about what you’re apologizing for. For example: “I’m sorry that I forgot our anniversary yesterday,” instead of “I’m sorry I upset you yesterday.” Finding effective solutions depends on acknowledging the problem. Let your girlfriend know that you’re accepting responsibility for what you’ve done.
4. Balance humility and confidence.
Humility and confidence are often seen as opposites, when they are actually both positive characteristics that complement each other. You need to have confidence in your ability to make amends in order to show humility with your apology. Speak clearly, directly and contritely, without making self-hating statements such as “I’m a terrible person.” Such statements force your girlfriend into the role of comforting you and contradicting your self-hate. This is not something you want to do when you’re asking for her forgiveness.
Also read: How to be Humble in a Relationship: 14 Ways
5. Be honest in your apology.
Do not apologize for things you’re not sorry for. When your girlfriend is angry with you, you might feel the urge to start apologizing for anything and everything, in an effort to defuse the situation and lessen her anger. Don’t do it. It will come off as insincere, and distract from your real mistake. Reflect on the situation, and be honest about what you feel you did wrong.
Also read: How to be Honest in a Relationship: 12 Ways
6. Understand that there are deeper reasons behind your hurtful behavior.
Every thought and emotion has a reason behind it, even if the reasons are not always clear. You are an imperfect person, just like everyone else. Although you ultimately bear the accountability for all your actions and the choices that you make, you nevertheless bear scars from the past which still influence your behavior. This is true even if you are not aware that this is happening to you. In fact, it’s much more likely for events from your past to influence your current behavior if you do not understand the link between them.
7. Practice self-reflection to uncover these deeper reasons.
To do this, you may have to dive deep into your unconscious, and encounter painful memories of the past that you have repressed. You may realize that you’ve hurt your girlfriend in the similar, subtle ways that your parents hurt you, or other people that you have trusted in your life. You may recognize that you are following patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior that you learned in early childhood in order to adapt to a hostile environment.
For example, you might have formed the tendency to be blunt to the point of rudeness, because you got used to living with people who refused to listen to gentle requests. Or, you might tend to act in an arrogant way, because it was the only way you could get the recognition and admiration that we all crave. In one way or another, the hurtful behaviors that we demonstrate usually have causes that are deeply rooted in a painful past. Therapy with a mental health professional or self-learning materials can help greatly with self-reflection.
8. Do not make excuses.
When you explain these possible causes for your behavior to your girlfriend, you must be careful not to present them as excuses. The goal of explaining your past is to build a bridge of understanding to span the distance that your mistake has created between you and your girlfriend. Your girlfriend will know that you did not commit your mistake out of complete malice and disregard for her feelings, and this will help you earn her forgiveness. Assure your girlfriend that you are putting in the work that is necessary, in order to become aware of the reasons that may be causing your hurtful behavior.
9. Let your girlfriend know you are willing to make the necessary reparations to earn her forgiveness.
Tell your girlfriend what you will do in the future to keep yourself from making the same mistake. If possible, you can prepare a careful plan to fix the situation.
10. Give your girlfriend time to consider your apology.
Your girlfriend may need some time to think about the factors that you’ve explained to her, and weigh them against her own needs and feelings. It’s completely natural for you to feel anxious and try to press her for a decision, but you have to be patient and give her the space that she needs.
11. Ask for her forgiveness.
It’s a sad truth, but forgiveness simply isn’t guaranteed, not even for the most sincere apologies and the best intentions to do better in the future. After you have explained your reasons and offered to fix the situation, you need to be prepared for the possibility that your girlfriend’s forgiveness may come with terms and conditions. She may even choose not to forgive you at all. If this happens and your relationship ends, let her know that your apology still stands – that it was a sincere effort to make up for your mistake, and not just a technique to win her back.
Forgiveness is possible with courage and love.
It takes a lot of courage to admit that you were wrong. In doing so, you open yourself up to the possibility of criticism and anger from the person you’ve hurt. But getting your apology right can make the difference between keeping and losing the one that you love. Either way, knowing how to ask for forgiveness will make you a braver, more sincere person. You will be able to learn from your mistakes and move on, with a much deeper understanding of true love.