14 Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Know You Better

know you better
Photo by Roberto Nickson

Do you sometimes feel like your girlfriend doesn’t know you as well as you would like her to? You may be feeling misunderstood and wondering how you can make your girlfriend know you better.

When we talk about “getting to know” someone, we often think that this means knowing a lot of facts about them. But knowing someone’s birth date, educational background, or yearly salary doesn’t mean we know them. We don’t truly know someone unless we know their deeper, emotional self.

With that in mind, this article is about learning to share your feelings with your girlfriend. Whether you and your girlfriend are a new couple or have been together for some time now, these 14 tips will help your girlfriend know you better.


1. Have deep conversations.

Our daily conversations with most people revolve around topics like current events, mutual acquaintances, planned activities and other superficial topics. Although these kinds of conversations can help you get to know each other too, you can get much closer to each other by bringing up certain topics.

These topics will vary from person to person, but what they all have in common is that they venture beyond every day, and make a gentle and loving search for the other person’s deeper self – including those vulnerabilities that they haven’t shared with anyone else, or secret triumphs that they might think will not be impressive to others. You can try discussing your treasured memories, life philosophies, future plans, and other topics that go beyond the usual everyday conversations.


2. Share your bucket lists with each other.

It’s one thing to spend time with your girlfriend; it’s another thing to be able to truly connect with each other. Doing your bucket list activities with each other will give you wonderful bonding experiences. There may even be unexpected activities on each other’s lists, which will help your girlfriend have more insight into your dreams and goals. Sharing these with your girlfriend lets her know who you want to be in the future, as well as who you are in the present.


3. Be consistent and reliable with your words and actions.

It’s hard, even impossible, to get to know someone who is always changing. Although some shifts in mood are normal, your principles and views on life should remain constant. Do your best to follow through on your promises, and show the same character in every situation. Being firm about who you really are will assure your girlfriend that she’s getting to know the real you.

Also read: How to be Honest in a Relationship: 12 Ways


4. Define your deepest values.

If you sometimes have trouble being consistent, or feel confused about the right thing to do in a situation, this is usually because you haven’t defined your values. It’s worth taking the time to sit down and really think about what’s most important to you in life. When you’ve defined your values, you’ve defined what kind of person you want to be.

The values of the modern world are, more often than not, based on productivity and acquiring possessions. Some of these values are not inherently negative; after all, it’s important to provide for the ones we love. However, these values should be secondary to those that uphold our moral and spiritual health. The essential Christian values of faith, love, humility, and generosity provide a solid foundation for defining your own specific, unique values.


5. Introduce her to your loved ones.

Your friends and family are likely familiar with your deepest self. Letting your girlfriend interact with them will let her know that you’re comfortable with her having more access to that side of you. Getting to know the people that you love will reveal important things about your interests and lifestyle to your girlfriend.

Also read: 13 Simple Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Special


6. Choose the right times to communicate.

Although the classic candlelit dinner is nice, some good moments for communication are unlikely: playing video games side by side or doing chores together. For some people, it’s easier to have deep conversations without very much eye contact. This can lessen the anxiety of revealing vulnerabilities.

The most important thing to remember when you want to communicate with your girlfriend is to make sure that she can be receptive. Choose a time when she’s not stressed out, tired, or otherwise has a lot on her mind.


7. Talk about your favorite books and music.

It’s important for every person to know these things about their partner. More significant than your actual choices, however, are the reasons why you’ve chosen your favorites. Sharing these reasons with your girlfriend will let her know what affects you emotionally, which is a key part to understanding you as a person.


8. Write letters to your girlfriend.

Writing is mostly a lost art in relationships these days, but the romance and tenderness of a sincere love letter will always be timeless. Feel free to pour your heart out in a letter. You might be able to express yourself in a totally new way, and say things you’re too nervous to say in person.


9. Take her to your favorite places.

If you have certain spots that you particularly enjoy, taking your girlfriend with you to visit these places will make them more special to you, and show her the places that make you happy. Watching the sunset on your favorite beach, sipping coffee in your favorite cafe, or browsing through stacks of classics in the library becomes a new and exciting experience with someone who’s discovering them for the first time.


10. Go to church together.

Being a part of a Christian community is a profound way for you and your girlfriend to know each other better. The church provides a gathering of individuals who reinforce your shared values, and help you orient your relationship towards long-term growth and healthy love.


11. Volunteer together.

Contributing to your community together can be a fun and enriching experience, and gives you a chance to show your caring, sensitive side. Try signing up for outreach missions, community kitchens, book drives, and other initiatives in your area.


12. Study a topic together.

Once we’ve graduated from school, most of us don’t feel the need to study a topic just for the sake of new knowledge. There are many good reasons for this; we’re busy with work, family, and many other obligations. But if it’s possible for you, studying with your girlfriend can have rich rewards for your personal development and relationship. You’ll be able to keep each other motivated, and discover new things about each other along the way. You can learn a language together, try arts and crafts, or cook together – the possibilities are endless for expanding your relationship activities.


13. Begin a project together.

Working on a project is more satisfying when you’re doing it with your girlfriend. You’ll be able to do something creative and constructive during your time together, and you’ll get to create an accomplishment that belongs to both of you.

Also read: 12 Ways to Keep Your Girlfriend from Getting Bored with You


14. Discuss your respective love languages.

The importance of love languages in a relationship cannot be overstated. You and your girlfriend may discover that some issues in your relationship are caused by misunderstood love languages; for example, you may often work late in order to buy expensive gifts for your girlfriend, when her love language is actually quality time. Letting your girlfriend know your love languages, and finding out her own love languages, will ensure that you’ll recognize each other’s loving gestures for what they are.


To make your girlfriend know you better, you need to share your feelings with her.

This is easier said than done for many people, especially guys. We build walls around our hearts for many good reasons. Perhaps you’ve been hurt in the past by someone, when you opened up to someone who let you down. But until you share your feelings with your girlfriend, you will never be able to truly know each other. With true love, you will have the courage to take a leap of faith, and trust that your girlfriend will accept and admire you for who you really are.

Also read: 13 Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Understand You

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