We all long to be understood in our relationships. Sometimes, though, you might feel like your girlfriend isn’t listening to you. It’s normal to have problems with communication from time to time in relationships, and this is something that can be fixed – with love, creativity, and patience. These tips will help you know how to make your girlfriend listen to you, and lead to deeper understanding and connection in your relationship.
1. Listen to your girlfriend first.
Making an effort to listen sets a good example for your girlfriend. It shows her that you value fairness, and you’re willing to give her the same consideration that you want from her. Listening to her girlfriend will give her the motivation and encouragement she needs to listen to you as well.
2. Be confident in your right to be heard.
Many people are unsure about the validity of their own desires. If you feel this way, it can make you unable to let your girlfriend know what you want. Have the courage to show your convictions, with the knowledge that you have the self-assurance and the independence required to be an equal partner in your relationship.
3. Don’t be afraid to show your caring, sensitive side.
Acknowledging the need for affection can be a nerve-wracking experience for anyone, especially men. The ability to be vulnerable and allow your girlfriend to know your innermost thoughts and feelings means that you’re a confident boyfriend, and that you trust your girlfriend enough to open up to her.
4. Choose the right time to talk to your girlfriend.
To help your girlfriend listen to you, make sure she’s relaxed and receptive. Conversations about serious topics should have their proper place and time, so that both of you can give each other your complete attention. If your girlfriend needs space, you should respect that and shelve the discussion for another time.
5. Prepare the topics that you want to talk about beforehand.
It takes getting used to it because it can feel too formal, but it’s very helpful to keep your conversation on track and avoid getting lost in side topics. Think about the main issues that you want to discuss, and the important insights that you want to communicate to your girlfriend. Make notes if necessary.
6. Be willing to hear her out.
Remember that this is a dialogue, not a lecture. If you’re having trouble with making your girlfriend listen to you, chances are that she has become defensive from conversations in the past. Reassure your girlfriend that she has an equal voice in your relationship, and that you’re attentive to her needs.
7. Always demonstrate empathy and understanding.
It can be difficult sometimes to control your emotions during difficult conversations. Take time to calm down if you feel the conversation is getting heated, and return with a clear head. You need to demonstrate your maturity to your girlfriend, and make her feel that she is always safe with you.
8. Don’t give your girlfriend the silent treatment.
It’s impossible for your girlfriend to listen to you when you’re not saying anything! The silent treatment is one of the most destructive things that are unfortunately common in relationships. If your girlfriend hasn’t been listening to you, you may feel that giving her the silent treatment is your last resort. But this is almost like telling her “I give up”.
If your girlfriend is truly the one for you, you need to fight the impulse to give her the silent treatment, and continue working on solutions to fix the issues in your relationship.
9. Be hopeful for change in your relationship.
If you’ve gone for a long time without feeling heard, you might be losing hope for your relationship. It can be very frustrating and discouraging to have a partner who doesn’t seem to care about you. But think back on the early days of your relationship, when you first fell in love. It’s possible to bring that respect and affection back into your relationship. Remain hopeful, and trust that you and your girlfriend can work together to improve your issues.
10. Be clear and direct about your intentions.
Let your girlfriend know what the issues are from the start. No surprises, no guessing games. If you don’t want to do something, refuse politely and gently instead of agreeing just to keep the peace in your relationship. If your girlfriend is doing something frustrating for you, let her know in a calm, clear manner. It’s hard to say no to someone you love so much, but it’s necessary sometimes to enforce your boundaries for your own well-being.
11. Be patient in explaining how you feel.
Make your feelings clear, and be specific with describing them. For example, if you feel overlooked when it comes to decision-making in your relationship, you should be able to express this to your girlfriend instead of giving general statements such as “You don’t even care what I think.”
Many people have a habit of implying their thoughts instead of stating them plainly. This tendency often stems from the fear that the other person will be angry or sad when the issues are made clear. You may feel like you need to be indirect, in order to spare your girlfriend’s feelings around a sensitive issue. But doing so makes it more difficult for your girlfriend to listen to you, when she has to decode what you’re saying. It’s better to be respectfully straightforward about what you feel, and what you want.
12. Assure her of your love.
One of the reasons why people can be unwilling to listen is the fear of criticism. If your girlfriend is already burdened with difficulties and insecurity in her life, your criticism will feel unbearable to listen to. Think about what your girlfriend has been going through lately. She may actually be feeling shame or guilt around the topics that you want to open up. She may even deny the important insights you’re telling her even if they’re true, simply because she’s afraid of being judged.
It requires a lot of tact and patience, but we need to accommodate each other’s fragility in relationships. Remember that there are no rewards for identifying each other’s shortcomings and failures. Although we need a healthy dose of constructive criticism every now and then from our loved ones, we should never attack our partners for their weaknesses. The purpose of our relationships is to help each other grow, and learn how to be perfectly happy with our imperfect selves.
Also read: 11 Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Loved
13. Be a constant in her life.
Your girlfriend will listen to you when she can feel safe in trusting the words that you say. When you’ve consistently translated your promises into actions, you’ve proven that you are worth listening to. Your words of love and admiration are supported by loving gestures: picking her up from work, celebrating your relationship milestones, even something as simple as grabbing her favorite snack when you go to the store.
All these actions tell your girlfriend that she is loved and valued, and that no criticism or difficult conversation can overshadow your constant affection for her. Recognize that people listen when they feel supported, and be generous with your love.