It is no understatement when they say that trust is what keeps a relationship intact. Without genuine trust, any relationship, no matter how passionate or enduring, is sure to wilt and wither sooner than later. That’s why losing the trust of a partner is perhaps one of the most serious problems that one can face. After all, rebuilding lost trust is especially harder than simply gaining it. If you find your partner has already lost her/his trust in you, then consider following these 8 tips on how to rebuild trust in a relationship:
1. Start with personal acknowledgment and a genuine apology.
Before anything else, what you must first do is acknowledge and apologize for what you did that made your partner lose trust in you. Failure to do these will make your succeeding actions lack authenticity and seem half-meant. If your partner lost trust in you because you are womanizing, then acknowledge that you actually did the wrong. Do not make excuses for yourself.
Then, offer your partner a genuine apology. Tell her/him that you regret what you have done and will do all you can to gain her/his trust back. Whether or not she/he accepts this apology immediately is immaterial. After all, your partner will most likely still find you untrustworthy no matter what you initially say. But that’s okay. Your acknowledgment and apology are not meant to rebuild the trust, but rather meant to show your sincere intentions to do so.
2. Reinforce your words with actions.
After giving your partner your word that you will do better, you then have to prove your promise by reinforcing it with actions. Instead of easily getting tempted into committing adultery, learn to overcome the urge. Or learn to show up on important occasions, especially if you promised and assured your partner of your presence.
Or instead of gambling the money that you and your partner have worked hard to save for your future, eliminate the vice altogether. Use your love for your partner as a powerful incentive and motivation to change! It is only when your partner realizes you indeed mean your words that she/he will begin believing and trusting you again.
3. Learn to forgive and trust yourself again.
Learning to forgive and trust yourself again is just as important as regaining your partner’s trust. It is a must that you accept to yourself that you have done something wrong, and that as a consequence, you lost your partner’s trust. This acceptance is what will allow you to be sincere and genuine in winning your partner’s lost trust back.
However, at some point, you need to forgive yourself. Failure to do this will make you lose trust in yourself. It will make you feel that you are ever unworthy of your partner’s trust. So, allow yourself to learn from the mistake, and have the self-confidence and belief that you can be a better person tomorrow, someone who is again worthy of your partner’s love and trust.
4. Show consistency in your actions.
Showing your partner on just one or two occasions that you are serious about gaining her/his lost trust is not going to cut it. If you really want to fully rebuild her/his trust, you better be consistent. Show your partner that you are committed to redeeming yourself not only until your partner starts trusting you again, but even after the trust has been regained. You should not revert to your lying, adulterous, or irresponsible ways just because the immediate problem has been resolved. Trust is something that is rebuilt every day after all. It requires constant upkeep.
5. Learn to trust in your partner as well.
Sometimes, we lose trust not only because we did something that warrants such loss, but because we do not trust our partners. We think of our partners as people who will naturally lie to us or go behind our backs, and so, in turn, we tell ourselves that it is alright for us to be untrustworthy as well.
Now, there might be a lot of factors or experiences that led you to develop such a mindset, but it is something that you would have to come to terms with if you want to develop a healthy and trust-based relationship with your partner. Trust is a two-way street. Your partner will never fully trust you if you do not have trust in her/him as well.
6. Show openness and vulnerability.
There may be times when our partners lose trust in us not necessarily because we committed vulgar acts, but because of our inability to express ourselves enough to them. We give our partner’s the impression, either with our silence or mysteriousness, that we might be hiding something or that we’re not being honest about what we truly think or feel.
To lessen the ambiguity, consider being more open to your partner. Tell her/him your thoughts, passions, and frustrations. Also, show him/her your vulnerable and human side. By being more expressive, you’ll allow your partner to know and understand you more, and in turn, she/he will find it easier to get comfortable with you and trust you.
Also read: How to be Honest in a Relationship: 12 Ways
7. Stay clear from the trust killers.
We may find ourselves in a constant struggle to rebuild the trust of our partners because we do not stay clear from trust killers. No matter how willing we are to be trustworthy again, if we remain to have cheaters as our daily company, if we continue to acquaint ourselves with the person who greatly contributed to our partner’s loss of trust in us, or if we do not permanently delete our illicit online accounts, then the temptations that these trust killers bring may resurface and overpower our will! We end up going back to square one, with our partner’s trust betrayed yet again.
8. Be patient and resilient.
Rebuilding lost trust in a relationship is not as easy as stitching torn clothing. It requires a lot of time, effort, and commitment. Patience and resilience is the name of the game! Do not immediately give up just because your partner chooses to ignore your efforts to redeem yourself the first couple of times.
Your partner may end up uttering words that are hurtful or she/he may even judge you as a person incapable of redeeming oneself. Do not falter in the face of these situations. You have to be prepared to work hard and even prepare to experience several rejections from your partner; these are but natural consequences of what you have done after all. Just keep on trying. After all, the harder you work to rebuild the trust, the stronger its foundation will be.
Trust is one of those things that no relationship can live without. It is what holds the entire thing together; it makes the bond between partners stronger than the sum of its parts. Hence, the loss of such a valuable component should never be ignored and should be addressed as soon as possible. If trust in your relationship is lost due to any act or inaction, then the tips provided above might just be what you need to restore the lost trust, if not even build a stronger one.