People naturally pursue what makes them happy, which is true even in relationships. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone only to end up miserable and depressed. Being in a genuine and loving relationship is bound to increase one’s bliss and satisfaction in life tenfold. Nevertheless, there are times when all of a sudden, we feel a decline in the joy we used to experience with our partners.
While these fluctuations are unavoidable, at the end of the day, you and your partner will still be the ones to call the shots. If you want to improve the happiness meter, here are 8 secrets to be happy in a relationship:
1. Don’t let the courtship end.
When we are just trying to win our partner over, we go all out! We add an extra layer of sweetness to our actions, we plan our dates with them down to the smallest detail, and we catch them off guard with romantic surprises. However, once we claim the ultimate reward, which is them loving us back, we tend to dial down our effort and get complacent, sometimes overly so. This might cause the fire which gave birth to our relationship to lose a bit of its spark.
So, court your partner again every now and then! You don’t have to overdo it or force yourself. All you have to do is rejuvenate the feeling of anticipation and glee that the two of you had at the initial stage of your relationship.
2. Look at the good side.
Sometimes, we become sad about our relationship not necessarily because it is a bad one, but simply because we only look at the downsides. We look at and fixate on our partners’ flaws and shortcomings that we fail to see just how awesome and fun they are despite such imperfections. We overlook how sweet, witty, understanding, and patient they are.
Now, this doesn’t mean that you should just look at these good things and totally ignore the bad; due attention still needs to be given to those issues so that they get addressed and not escalate. However, give credit when it is due. Looking at not only the bad but also the good will help you realize that the relationship you have is happier than what you perceive it to be.
3. Don’t forget to live by the moment.
One of the best things about being in a relationship is that we get to plan our future with our partner. We get to imagine what house we would buy, how many kids we will have, and who would have to do the dishes and laundry on certain days. However, if we just focus our gaze on the future, we might forget to pay attention to present moments. This, in turn, may cause our relationships in the present time to feel too fast-paced and tiring.
While it is important to look ahead, you should never forget to appreciate and live the joys that present moments offer. Take a breather once in a while. Appreciate the meal that you and your partner share, savor your walks at the park, and relish the banters that you exchange. Remember, present happiness is just as important as future bliss.
4. Try and experience new things together.
If you and your partner find yourself doing the same old things over and over, then you might end up feeling bored and unsatisfied. To spice things up, try doing new things. Instead of eating at your usual diner, why not try that newly opened Indian restaurant? Or instead of cycling through your neighborhood, why not learn to do something new together like ice skating or rock climbing? Of course, you need not do extreme activities; just try and experience new things, no matter how simple they may be. Adventurousness would certainly make your relationship happier and more exciting.
5. Fight occasionally.
Now, this may sound weird, but if you want to have a relationship that is truly full and happy, you and your partner have to fight occasionally. If your days are always flowers and rainbows, then your relationship will feel static, bereft of excitement and tension. By having occasional anger and frustration towards our partners, we will be able to experience happiness in its purest and most satisfying form. Remember, one cannot appreciate the light without darkness, similar to how one cannot feel true happiness without first being acquainted with pain and sorrow.
6. Be partners in crime.
You might become happy as individuals when you accomplish your personal goals. However, if you want you and your partner to both be happy, you must not act as lone wolves but rather be partners in crime. Make it so that the accomplishment of one is the achievement of both. And always have each other’s back, in both good times and bad.
Like, if Jack is backed up against the wall, then Jill must be there to break the wall! By being a team, you and your partner would be more resilient; not only that, the two of you would also be happy not only for your individual successes but also for the milestones that your relationship reaches.
7. Appreciate the little things.
The problem why some couples fail to be happy is that they don’t appreciate the little things anymore. They start to believe that the older we get, the higher our standards for happiness should be. This adds unnecessary pressure on our relationship and keeps us from being happy with our present situation.
We should still appreciate the small things we do for each other like the small talks, dates at the convenience store, and travels at the mall. Remember that it is not the material value of what we do that is important, but rather the company we have and memories we make with that person that truly counts!
8. Avoid too much comparison.
People tend to compare themselves with other people. The same is sometimes done to relationships. We compare our otherwise healthy and happy relationships to others which we perceive to be better and happier. We want to have relationships like those that we see on social media. We want the fantastical, picture-perfect image that those relationships project.
However, we fail to see that no relationship is perfect, and that not everything we see is what it seems to be. Most importantly, we fail to see just how amazing our own relationship is as it stands solo. You don’t have to look elsewhere; just see what you yourself already have and you will learn to feel the happiness that you should have felt long ago.
They say that happiness is a choice, and that is true. We may choose to be happy or miserable with the relationship we have; it is up to us and our partners. We could just quit and mull over each other’s imperfections, or we can learn to improve things and look at them from a different perspective. At the end of the day, it is but you and your partner that has the power to lead your relationship in the direction you both want. And if your destination of choice is happiness, then the tips above can help both of you have that happy relationship.