Doubts can sometimes be a slow poison that eventually kills a relationship. It’s a factor that can weaken even the strongest foundation. Once it starts and if it is not addressed right away, doubts can escalate into something bigger and more irreparable. Frustrations and anger, the products of doubts, will also manifest in ways that will not only hurt you but will also hurt the person you love. So how do you stop this from happening?
Here are the practical ways on how to overcome doubts in a relationship.
1. Instead of guessing for answers, ask the right questions.
Doubts often start with the “not knowing” phase. Most of the time, people try to guess for answers and come up with conclusions that often feed their doubts. The best way to prevent this is to actually ask questions. Not just any question, but the right question. Ask your partner about something that has been bothering you. Make sure that you express yourself well. Don’t leave things unsaid. Most importantly, remember that the purpose of asking is to arrive at the truth, and not to accuse anyone of anything.
2. Stop overthinking and start understanding.
In relation to the previous section, make sure that you overcome overthinking. You have to take things as they are and stick to facts. You also have to change how you see things and be more considerate. For instance, there’s a better way of phrasing “My girlfriend/boyfriend forgot that we’re meeting today because she does not have time for me anymore. She/he is always working and she/he is taking me for granted.” Instead, see it from a perspective of “My girlfriend/boyfriend has been working hard lately. Should I give them time to take a break? Or maybe I could send them a care package or have food delivered?” Instead of looking for what they fail to give you, think of what they need and what you can do for them.
3. Always try to see things from your partner’s perspective.
Doubts in a relationship often start when the other person chooses to believe what their thoughts are telling them instead of focusing on what their partner has to say. To overcome doubts in a relationship, don’t be too focused on your own thoughts and the conclusions that you made out of them.
4. Ask your partner how they are and how they feel especially after a fight.
Doubts in a relationship often start with unresolved issues. Check on your partner and see how they are feeling. This is important especially during or after a fight. If you did something that hurt them, give them the opportunity to vent out or air their side. Sometimes, you also have to give them space before they can better communicate how they feel. Once you’re both ready to talk, make sure to resolve the issue, learn from it, and move on.
5. Love yourself and know that they see you as you.
Some people will doubt that they are “seen” and acknowledged. This is heightened when a significant other fails to meet their expectations. When this happens, remind yourself why your partner chose you. Remind yourself that there’s a special reason that they love you as you are. You shouldn’t doubt that.
6. Know that you are worthy of love and affection.
Doubts in a relationship are also caused by self-doubt and the lack of self-love. Most people don’t love themself enough so they think that they are unworthy and unlovable. They believe that since they do not deserve love, they think that it’s just a matter of time when their partner realizes this. This can be damaging to the quality of the relationship that they have. The best way to overcome this is to think back at those times when you made a mistake. Think of how your partner chose to stay because they know you deserve a second chance. Also, remember how you made them happy when you made that genuine effort to be better.
7. Talk to the people who genuinely care about you.
When in doubt, talk to your friends and your family who can see your relationship from an outsider’s perspective. They will be the ones to tell you, in all honesty, and sincerity, that your fears and doubts are irrational. Turn to the people you trust. Believe in what they say because you know that they will always want the best for you.
8. Be confident about what you bring into the relationship.
Being confident that you contribute to the growth of the relationship is one of the best ways to overcome doubts. You are doing your part and you are doing your best. Be proud of that and remember how you make your significant other happy. Take comfort in the fact that your mere presence makes a difference in their everyday life.
9. Remember the reasons why they love you.
Remember that you are special and that you are loved. Remember why, of all the people in the world, they chose you. Just reminding yourself that you are with this very special soul can help you overcome those unhealthy thoughts of doubts. If you can’t lift yourself up, trust that your partner will hold your hand as you go through the bad times.
10. Trust your partner and believe in their genuine intentions.
Trust that your partner only wants what’s best for both of you. Sometimes, people doubt the intentions of their significant other, especially if it’s something that involves being more responsible and choosing your needs over wants. These include simple activities. Examples are getting more sleep instead of staying up all night to talk or not spending time together on weekends so you both can be with friends or family. This can also be as complex as temporarily being in a long-distance relationship because of work or school. Trust the process, don’t doubt the present, and look forward to the results of your sacrifice.
11. Learn to be respectful in a relationship.
In order to overcome doubts in a relationship, you have to know how to keep your partner and how to treat them well. People stay in relationships that make them feel respected and loved. Respect, most of the time underrated, can make your relationship stronger. A stronger bond will give you the reassurance that your relationship is headed to the right direction.
12. Acknowledge their efforts to make your relationship work.
Many people develop doubt in their relationship because they dismiss the idea that their significant other is also trying their best. Most of them think that they are doing all the work. This makes them feel alone and exhausted, especially if they think that their efforts go unnoticed. If this is happening to you, try to see the things that your partner did and continue to do to make the relationship work. After all, people show love through different love languages. Understand what language they are speaking. Most importantly, make sure that they also know what love language you express yourself in. Seeing their efforts will help you overcome your doubt.
Spotting the first signs of doubt can save your relationship. However, you should not stop there. Find out what caused them and what continues to fuel them. By identifying these things, you’ll be able to prevent this negative quality from taking out the best part of yourself and your partner. Hopefully, this article helped you navigate through this emotion and led you to taking the first step to healing. Stay strong!