There are several reasons why relationships could not last. It could be a lack of trust, too many expectations, issues with compatibility, and other factors that prove love is not enough. Constant fighting also leaves a couple troubled and chaotic. If not dealt with properly, it could cause a miserable breakup. Sure, disagreements are normal. They are good at some point, even. But too much of them is toxic and unhealthy.
If you are in a relationship that has gotten used to fighting more than enjoying each other’s company, you may want to consider the following ways to stop arguing with your partner.
1. Stop being defensive.
Our initial reaction when we are in a fight is that we want to prove and defend ourselves. While it is natural, especially when we feel attacked or violated, it is crucial to know how to take criticisms. Do not take them personally. Be objective in evaluating your partner’s statements. Your fights are not about you as a person but about the specific situation you disagree with.
Also read: How to Overcome Anger in a Relationship: 13 Ways
2. Get some space.
Sometimes you have to step away from your boyfriend/girlfriend during a fight. Your emotions can get clouded, and your thoughts can become illogical when heated arguments arise. When you continue to fight during this mindset, you tend to say insulting statements you do not mean. You might also lash out and cause physical harm.
Stay away for a while, have some time for yourself, cool down, and clear your head. That is how you bring back a rational perspective. You can face the conflict again with a better attitude.
3. Talk about your issues in person.
Communicating in the digital world gives you an opportunity to edit your text and think twice before you send it. The downside, however, is that the recipient of your message may not read it the way it should be. They may take it in a different tone and out of context, leading to a bigger, more challenging conflict.
That is why it is advisable to argue in person. You can see each other’s body language and hear the vocal tone. Long and intense arguments through text messaging will even drain you just by typing the words out.
4. Be clear with your boundaries.
No matter the reasons for your arguments, you should always keep in mind that it is never right to say anything against your partner’s character. You have to focus on the issue. Avoid throwing personal attacks, cursing, and shouting at each other. Otherwise, you will only deviate from the real problem until the fight turns into an all-out war.
It is best to discuss your boundaries for disagreements. For instance, make it clear that you have to stay respectful and maintain a harmless tone. That is a way to pay attention to the issue and promote a safe space where you are confident you are being listened to.
5. Remind yourself of the good times.
Your relationship may have surpassed the honeymoon phase, but that does not mean there is no longer anything to look forward to. In fact, a lot of couples become more content when they reach the plateau stage. This is because they already understand each other well, their strengths, and their weaknesses. They also become comfortable around, no matter how they look.
You can also achieve this kind of relationship if you focus on the reasons why you have chosen the person. You have to recognize that your life is better with them, especially if you lessen your personal baggage and select the only worth fighting about.
Also read: How to be Positive in a Relationship: 10 Simple Ways
6. Confront the conflict right away.
Couples who try to sweep their issues under the rug tend to break up, while those who approach conflicts as soon as possible are successful in saving the relationship. Once you keep your thoughts to yourself and allow your bitterness to grow, you also slowly damage yourself. It also affects your partner because you start to act cold, indifferent, doubtful, or any negative treatment that takes a toll on both of you.
If you have issues, avoid taking it all in silence. Discuss it with your significant other. Face the problem.
7. Do not think twice about apologizing.
You cannot fix the fight if you do not see the importance of a sincere apology. If you are still angry, it is understandable that saying sorry is the last thing on your mind. But if you have a higher goal to save the relationship, you have to be receptive to your partner’s thoughts, internalize them, and do not hesitate to ask questions. That is how you lay your views on the table and weigh things out, making it easier to apologize and make up.
Also read: How to Forgive Each Other in a Relationship: 12 Tips
8. See a couples therapist.
If you have reached that point when fights and arguments become too unbearable to fix on your own, it might be best to consider therapy. Talking to a therapist helps couples see what they are going through and understand each other. It is a chance for a third party to take a look into the relationship and figure out the areas that the couple might have overlooked.
A good therapist offers the right process that aims to navigate the chaotic relationship into a peaceful one. They are complete with steps that could guide you in dealing with your arguments. Couples therapy is also an opportunity to speak out your thoughts without worrying that they might not get your point.
Take note it takes two to tango in therapy. Your therapist may provide you with an appropriate solution to your issues, but it would not work if you and your partner are not willing to fix the relationship.
9. Give each other some time apart.
There are times when the stresses and frustrations of our personal lives affect our romantic relationships. Although we’d like to think that these stressors occur outside of the relationship, we cannot deny that being committed to someone per se also gives us stress. Have some rest and take a break away from your partner. You can get a vacation trip or hang out with your friends or do anything that interests you even without your significant other.
It is necessary to recognize that couples have to be away from each other once in a while. That does not mean you have to forget your partner. Besides, it is a helpful way to help you find a new perspective about the relationship. You either realize that you want to stick with the person or leave. Whichever way you go, be honest with your partner.
10. Do not force anything.
You might have imagined growing old with your partner, but that should not be the basis of your decisions. If your relationship has been so damaged you fight even over the pettiest thing, then it is best to let each other go. Your priority should be your happiness. If it makes you miserable more than happy, remember you have no obligation to stay.
It is typical for couples to experience rough patches. However, constant fighting and arguing does nothing but drain your energy, leaving you uninterested in saving what’s left between you and your partner. May you consider the steps above and be guided to turn your relationship into a healthy and worth having one.
Also read: 10 Effective Ways to Control Anger and Frustration in a Relationship