10 Effective Ways to Control Anger and Frustration in a Relationship

frustration in relationship
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

Anger is an emotion that we are all familiar with. No matter how tolerant or virtuous a person is, he/she will, when pushed too far, feel that strong surge against something or someone. Even those who are genuinely loved by their partners are not exempted, which is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, a healthy dose of passionate quarrel between couples helps keep the relationship from getting stale.

However, too much frustration or anger can lead to less desirable outcomes, which can even cause heartbreaks and violence. So, keeping these feelings in check is a must. Here are 10 effective ways to control anger and frustration in a relationship.


1. Have an outlet.

People sometimes express their anger, verbally or physically, against their partner because of their lack of other outlets to release their overflowing emotions. Resorting to such immoral and sometimes barbaric methods just to relieve yourself or vent out your frustrations is never justifiable. Heck, it can even make you a criminal.

So, if you really are getting too pent-up, look for other outlets, particularly inanimate ones. Buy a cute plush toy that you can tear to shreds, or visit one of those stores that allow you to throw and break objects until your anger is quenched. Remember, your partner should be loved, not abused.


2. Have a third-party confidant.

If having a Mickey Mouse stuffed toy to receive your wrath is not your style, then perhaps having a third-party confidant can help you manage your anger, especially on matters relating to your relationship. If you and your partner just got into an intense fight and your anger is brewing to uncontrollable levels, then perhaps it’s time to step out for a while and give your trusted buddy Johnny or Jenny a call or a visit.

Vent out your frustrations to your friend, and ask for advice on how to properly and maturely handle the situation. Having a confidant whom you trust and have your best interest in mind can help deescalate the situation and reach a prompt solution to the issue.


3. Learn to compromise.

One reason why we get angry or frustrated with our partners is that we refuse to be wrong or surrender. We tend to passionately fight for what we believe is right without any room for negotiation. Learn to compromise every now and then. Let your partner win the argument sometimes, or at the very least, agree on common ground. Doing this will free your relationship from avoidable conflicts and will help lessen unnecessary tension between you and your partner.

Also read: How to be More Mature in a Relationship: 16 Tips


4. Be more understanding.

Perhaps all that you have to do is widen your range of understanding. Being a little open-minded about your partner’s preferences as well as present circumstances will go a long way in helping you maintain a calm temperament. So, the next time your partner annoys you to death, don’t immediately go the angry route. Try to understand why your partner is acting the way she/he does first. Did she/he have a bad day at work? Is it that time of the month? Is she/he trying to distract herself/himself from something? Be more understanding.

Also read: How to be More Understanding in a Relationship: 12 Ways


5. Hear less, listen more.

If we don’t allow ourselves to listen to what our partners have to say whenever they do something we think is bad, then our default reaction would more likely be that of anger and frustration. No matter how bad the situation may seem, we should always give our partners the opportunity to be heard, and we should listen to what they have to say. Don’t let their words just pass through your ears.

Actually listen to their explanation, and if they prove themselves or their actions to be understandable, then respond accordingly. Doing this will not only save you the trouble of getting angry for no good reason, but it will also help strengthen the foundation of openness and trust in your relationship.


6. Focus on your partner’s good qualities.

If your partner indeed does something worthy of your anger, albeit forgivable, then you may opt to focus on the things that make you really like and love your partner. Choosing to look at the greener side of the pasture will help balance out your emotions, if not totally make your anger and frustrations subside. So, if your girlfriend slams your PS5 to the ground, don’t let wrath overpower you, no matter how justified you would be in doing so. But rather, try to think about how sweet, caring, and loving she is to you on most days. It’s gonna be super hard to do; that’s for sure! But you must learn to do it nonetheless.

Also read: How to be Positive in a Relationship: 10 Simple Ways


7. Roll with the punches.

One way to avoid anger and frustrations not just in relationships but in life, in general, is to roll with the punches that are thrown your way. Life is hard; maintaining relationships can be harder. Practice adapting to challenges in a positive way rather than just getting constantly frustrated and angry all the time. Don’t get mad at your partner over things that are not her/his fault or matters that are beyond your control. Don’t let the harsh realities of life damage the things that you value most.


8. Remember why you stay.

If we’re already on the verge of exploding, sometimes all we can do to get back to our senses is to remember why we’ve stayed and continue to stay with our partners. Instead of resorting to the obvious, which is to get angry with our partner, we can choose to calm ourselves and remind ourselves of the reason why we choose to be by their side. If you truly believe in your relationship, you’ll choose to find more reasons to love them than break up with them out of anger or pent-up frustrations.


9. Be more patient.

Not everyone gets it right the first time around. The same holds true for our partners. Like any person, they can and will commit mistakes. And when they do, please cut them some slack. Be honest with them, but try to keep your cool. Don’t immediately get angry and lose patience with them! Let your partner take her/his time in liking The Godfather or Adventure Time; after all, good taste in television is not acquired overnight! Or if they don’t understand how the birds and the bees get at it, then give them a little hint, but do not be impatient. They will figure it out sooner than later!

Also read: How to be More Patient in a Relationship: 14 Tips


10. Communicate your frustrations.

A great way to prevent anger from building up is to communicate them to your partner at the onset. Let your partner know the things they do that make you tick. Don’t wait for the bomb to explode! If you hate the way your partner treats you or the way she/he chews her/his food, then tell her/him as soon as you can. Remember, prevention is better than cure! Plus, being more open about your thoughts helps the relationship grow and allows the two of you to know each other better!


Final thoughts

Getting mad and frustrated with our partner from time to time is inevitable. However, constantly resorting to anger when we deal with our partners is a surefire way to run our relationships to the ground. To avoid this, we must learn to control our anger and develop a calmer state of mind when interacting with our partners. If you find this disposition hard to attain, then consider following the tips provided to avoid resorting to anger and frustration in your relationship.

Also read: 10 Ways to Stop Arguing and Fighting in a Relationship

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