Is True Love a Choice or a Feeling? Why You Should Work on Both

true love choice or feeling
Photo by Sebastian Mark

Many people get confused about whether love is a choice or a feeling. There are a lot of articles emphasizing that loving someone is a choice or decision. However, some stick to the idea that love is a feeling.

So, is true love really a choice or a feeling?

The truth is love is both a choice and a feeling. Both are needed for two people to stay committed to each other. To give you more ideas about why true love is both, continue to read below.


Why love is a choice


1. You choose to commit to the person.

Without commitment, you cannot be in a serious relationship with someone. It takes a decision to be with a person in good times or bad. True love is dedicating yourself to a person—including your time, care, passion, attention, and understanding. It takes a strong will to abide by this commitment, knowing that there could be many reasons to let go.

You and your partner could have misunderstandings and differences that may separate your ways, but as long as you stick to your commitment to that person, the love continues. Meaning you decide to continue devoting yourself to him/her whatever happens.

Also read: 13 Early Signs of True Love in a Relationship


2. You choose to stay with the person.

Together with commitment, staying by a person’s side is not a matter of feeling. It is a decision made. There will be times when your partner could be at the lowest point of his/her life. S/he could be jobless, broke, depressed, or directionless.

When this happens, you may feel discouraged to keep believing in that person. You may feel afraid that your future could be affected. If you stay with the person despite the situation, then it is a choice indeed.


3. You choose to put up with your partner’s flaws.

Once you discover your partner’s negative traits, bad habits, and failures, you may doubt if you still like him/her. Of course, you have your ideal partner, and seeing that your boyfriend/girlfriend is far from being perfect could disappoint you.

The reason why many people have a happy and successful relationship is not perfection but acceptance. It is their choice to accept the imperfection of their partners and work together to complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses.


4. You choose to avoid temptations to look to others.

It is normal for humans to feel attraction towards other people they find attractive. Without the norm of committing to a single person, we would all be jumping from one partner to another. We could be in open relationships, with no strings attached. As a result, there would be no sense of responsibility and accountability among partners.

However, the commitment to your partner compels you to choose to avoid temptations of liking another person. It is because you know that crushing or lusting after someone else is unfair to your partner.


5. You choose to stay faithful.

In connection to no. 4, faithfulness or fidelity is one of the secrets of a long-lasting relationship. For sure, all relationships go through times when either or both of the partners would be attracted to someone else. However, not everyone going through this challenge falls into the trap. There are still many who survive the temptation of cheating.

It is a choice to be faithful to your partner. Even at times when temptations to entertain a new love are so strong, you still have a choice to resist. You can really say that you truly love your partner once you have overcome such desire to love someone else.

Also read: How to be Faithful in a Relationship: 12 Ways


Why love is a feeling


Yes, choices are very essential in true love. However, you cannot deny the fact that love also involves a great deal of emotions. In fact, you need to feel it before you can say that you are in love.

Moreover, if love is just a matter of choices, no one would struggle about “learning to love a person”.

To help you understand better why love is also a feeling, check out the following.


1. You feel attraction towards the person.

The very first thing that draws you to a potential “Mr. Right” or “Ms. Right” is attraction. There would always be something about your future mate that would attract you. It could be his/her physical appearance, intelligence, kindness, or humor. Whatever it is, that attraction would make you feel something special about the person.

The attraction phase may be gone in months or years to come, but no one can deny its importance in establishing a bond between two persons.


2. You feel an emotional attachment with that individual.

Next to attraction, emotional attachment is also essential in keeping love alive. The friendship and sense of togetherness that the relationship creates between a couple results in an emotional bond.

The feeling of attachment is one reason why you cannot bear to be separated from the person you love. Separation would be like reaping two glued papers apart, resulting in ugly tears. It explains why a breakup and letting go of a person is painful.


3. You feel hurt and afraid thinking you can lose your partner.

With the pain that comes with separation from the person you love, it is not unusual to be afraid of breakup and death. No one wants to lose the person they love the most because the experience can hurt so much.

The pain and the fear of losing someone are among the strong emotions that are present with love. If you cannot feel any of these towards the person you are with, then you do not probably love him/her.


4. You feel happy being with the person.

Another essential feeling that is associated with love is happiness. You choose to be with the person who can make you happy, right? People who are usually torn between two lovers end up picking the one who makes them feel happy.

Therefore, if you are happy in the presence of your partner, it means you really love him/her. No matter what the situation is, you can afford to be happy as long as you are with that person.

Also read: Top 8 Secrets To Be Happy in a Relationship


5. You feel like you do not want to be with anyone else.

True love involves wanting to be with the same person for the rest of the lifetime. It is the reason why commitment in a relationship exists. It gives you the security that you and your beloved will stay together until the end.

Yes, fights and the need for space in a relationship are normal at times. However, if you truly love the person, you cannot bear to be apart from him/her for a long time. Time will tell you that s/he is still the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.


True love is both.

Thinking about it may be confusing, but the truth is genuinely loving someone is simply a combination of feelings and choices. The feelings are necessary to keep the passion alive in the relationship. Meanwhile, the right choices are needed to make the relationship survive and last despite challenges.

Therefore, if you want your relationship to be long-lasting, you and your partner should decide to work on both.

Also read: Is True Love a Choice or Destiny?

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