When we’ve finally found true love, we feel like it can last forever. After all, we’ve worked so hard to find “the one”, and we’ve made the choice to let them become an important part of our lives. It seems unthinkable that this true love can fade away or die. However, there are reasons why even our best intentions and efforts to keep our love might fail. It’s important to be aware of these reasons why love ends in a relationship, so that you can safeguard yours from them and make your love last forever.
1. You think you can’t live without them.
Almost all of us have felt this way about someone in our lives. It’s a valid feeling, and a part of being human and being deeply connected to someone else. It’s important to acknowledge this, but it’s also necessary not to dwell on it too much. When we make someone else our whole world, we forget we still have our own life to lead – a life that has value in itself, not just in relation to another. Believing that you cannot exist without your partner will not help you become a better person.
You are completely unique. Even though another person can make you better, you are still you, and you have an independent existence in this world.
2. You expect love to always be exciting.
When your relationship is new, your emotions are heightened, and you might think that love will always feel this way. It can seem backwards, but when the excitement of new love turns into the steady commitment and dedication of mature love, this is the time when you can begin to see the real reasons behind the feelings that you have for your partner, and translate these feelings into actions that will create a stable future for your relationship.
3. You don’t make enough effort.
True love can feel effortless at first. You’re happy to go out of your way to do things for your partner. As time passes and your relationship settles into a comfortable, stable routine, your awareness of your love begins to settle into the background of your life as well. This is a normal part of being in a long-term relationship. This doesn’t mean that your love has faded; it just means that you have to remember to let your partner know, every now and then, how much they mean to you. Do something for them outside of your daily routine, and make them feel as special as you did in the beginning of your relationship.
It can seem backwards, but when the excitement of new love turns into the steady commitment and dedication of mature love, this is the time when you can begin to see the real reasons behind the feelings that you have for your partner, and translate these feelings into actions that will create a stable future for your relationship.
4. You think you’re the solution to all their problems.
It’s good to do things for each other. It feels really good, too, when your partner makes you feel like you can solve all their problems and fix what’s wrong with their life. But problem-solving for someone else is not the purpose of true love.
When you feel like you need to provide solutions to problems in order to feel loved, it disrupts the healthy balance of give-and-take in a relationship. In the long run, it changes the way that you and your partner view each other. Taking on all the responsibilities in your relationship will cause you to fail eventually. Ultimately, allowing your partner to contribute equally to the relationship will make your bond stronger.
5. You want to change your partner.
Sometimes, we meet people who seem right for us in every way – except for a few things. Maybe we think that they spend too much time playing video games, or we think they like to party too much, or not enough – whatever the reason may be, we know that these characteristics will affect the relationship. If you decide that someone is your true love despite these perceived flaws, you may have been hoping (consciously or subconsciously) that they will change. You may think, “They’ll grow out of it someday,” or “They’ll realize that their behavior is wrong and stop it on their own.”
Unfortunately, true love cannot grow when it is surrounded by these expectations of change. If you choose to commit to someone, you have to accept them for who they are.
6. You resent your sacrifices.
If you do decide to be with someone with certain characteristics that make them incompatible with you, you will need to be the one to change and adjust to the relationship. If the issue is video games, for example, you will have to get used to spending less time with them to accommodate their hobby. However, you have to remember that this is your own choice and you cannot resent your partner for it. The sacrifices of true love do not expect payment in return.
7. You avoid confrontations.
Your attitude towards confrontation most likely stems from the way that conflict was handled in your family when you were young. If your parents reacted to conflict with displays of uncontrolled anger, such as yelling, you may end up promising yourself to never act that way.
Unfortunately, this decision can cause you to avoid conflict at all costs. When you are unable to express your feelings and needs in a relationship, you become disconnected from your partner. Confrontation is difficult, but it’s necessary to foster the honesty of true love.
8. You don’t know how to compromise.
Having the courage to be honest about your needs is the first step. Often, the discussion that follows will necessitate compromise. Again, your attitude about compromise is shaped by your early years. You may have seen one of your parents insisting on their own way, while the other gives in completely.
It may seem like giving in to whatever your partner wants is the way to keep them happy in the relationship, but doing this means we’re forgetting that our partner wants us to be happy too. Expressing your needs, hearing them out, and having a productive discussion together will help you come to a satisfactory compromise.
9. You expect to do everything together.
When we’re in love, we often want to spend all our time with our partner. This can include our hobbies, and seeing friends and family. It seems romantic, even necessary, to do everything together.
However, if you and your partner have dissimilar interests, it’s best to let each other enjoy your hobbies separately. This also helps the two of you maintain your identities and strengthen your relationship in the long run.
10. You compare your relationships to others.
Comparisons are especially destructive when it comes to fictional relationships, such as the ones we see in shows and movies. They focus on the beginnings of relationships, where the couples often act unreasonable and impulsive – but it’s portrayed as a good thing, because they’re in love.
It can feel like you’re unaffected by watching these kinds of storylines play out, but they can subconsciously give you an unrealistic view of what true love is like. When your relationship doesn’t seem to measure up, it can make you believe that it just isn’t meant to be.
True love can fade – but only if you let it.
In the end, whether or not our love lasts is completely up to us. Some of the things on this list may seem counterintuitive, but you will probably be able to observe them in the successful long-term relationships of people that you know. True love isn’t about losing yourself in the other person, or two halves making a whole – it’s about two whole people who make the decision to grow into the best possible versions of themselves together.